Breakdown

I have so many emotions I'm sorting through right now... Maybe it's taken a while for me to process through a lot of the things I have been feeling... But it's not about the marriages in my life that have ended sadly in divorce, but just the entire sum of all the people I have loved, and do love and the pain that accompanies all these great loves... When words fail, music speaks and right now Mariah Carey's Breakdown seems to summarize the weight of what I am feeling some nights...

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me,
But that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended
To be feeling similarly
And led you to believe it was o.k
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

[Chorus]
Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

So what do you do
When somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way?"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away