Another important lesson/reminder from singing...

It's been quite an action packed 48-hours for me - still preparing for the meet on Sunday, final round interviews at one company, a night at the opera to support an old friend, and reuniting with my old boss and mentor who gave me my start in the marketing world and herself a former musician. I just find it fascinating that when you are at a crossroads of life pondering the direction of your future, your past somehow has a way of coming into focus to somehow give you the next navigation marker of where to go. The past 48-hours has been that kind of intense experience for me where it seems like every thing, every moment, every person and every thing in my life has come into focus to reveal the next big plan of my journey.

 I have realize there are certain aspects of my life and personality that I have suppressed because of certain relationships and experiences. I have most definitely been reflecting on all of that the past two months, and going back into my painful past to help me make sense of my complete self... Somewhere in this journey, I've championed compartmentalizing aspects of my life and personality simply because the significant relationships I have had in over a decade simply never understood or comprehended certain aspects of my life or the "world's" I live completely... Sadly, instead of making an effort to experience something new they chose to ignore and suppress those parts of my life, in order to keep "what we have in our relationship."  
I understand the concept of compromises, unfortunately in my case I have realized there was never a compromise on my side just sacrifices that have come at much too high a cost. 

Instead of living life as ONE COMPLETE being, I ended up compartmentalizing aspects of my life and playing different roles to different people, in various stages of my life. Due to recent life changing events, I don't want my past's painful history to continue to break me apart. I just want to start being me again - one complete person - the artist, the marketer, the athlete = all in one. 
It's taken me a while to actually reflect and accept that who I am, who I truly am is a unique person gifted with strength, beauty  and intelligence. At my very core is a person with a generous heart - a huge capacity to love and give. It's been so long since I was in touch with my inner self, and actually find love and appreciation for who I am. It took the past 48-hours for me to be reminded of that, and embrace who I am.  Funny enough - my opera roots are what got me to this place! It's hard to explain what transpired the past two days, but a page out of my journal in the summer of 2000 simply explains the journey to finding myself again... 

"Singing is about WHO YOU ARE - WHO YOU TRULY ARE.

Singing is connecting and being the instrument. The results are dependent on what's within you! If what's inside the center of your soul and universe is selfish, conceited and arrogant then the quality of the sound will reflect that. Music is about giving... It is about giving yourself wholeheartedly, sharing the depths of your soul, your experience, emotions and entire being to all. Why? To inspire, to help, to re-affirm that we are all human and need each other. Simply, it is our role to love each other and every person unconditionally.

Music speaks when words fail and music constantly gives... Music is a joyful noise that initiates conversations and bonds people. It is a universal language that knows of no discrimination.

In order to sing, one has to be connected and secure in one's self - the inner self, the center of one's universe. This is the foundation, the grounding... Being in one's self is being ALIVE, AWAKE, ATTENTIVE and FOCUSED."

CADuque - August 2000