Eat Pray Love

I started reading Eat Pray Love again... My father gave it to me as a present almost four years ago, saying the story is very similar to my life. I remember the reading the first few pages then, particularly the chapter where she realizes how miserable she was in her marriage and how much she wanted a divorce. In so many moments in this book I always felt like I was hearing my own thoughts and replaying my own memories. 

So I find myself reading this book, and feeling like I'm back in familiar territory - grieving the loss of yet another failed relationship. Cyclically throwing myself at the some of the same characters in my life that helped me through the first divorce- the soul mate (my own version of David), the guru, and God...  As much as I'd hate to admit it, since I consider myself to be a very strong woman, I am in mourning and I feel like my life is spinning so desperately out of control and I know that this is the chaos that comes with creation and transformation. We move through these moments because our lives are changing, and the simple truth that this transformation will make us stronger and better. 

I still believe every person, every relationship, every moment and every thing in our life happens for a reason... So for now I slowly let go and just send love and light.

Since Liz Gilbert seems to perfectly capture the same thoughts, feelings and realizations I am experiencing. I thought I'd share some highlights and quotes that seem to resonate with me lately...

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.” 

“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” 

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life...”

That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You'r e like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not carefule, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it... "
  
"Listen, you're a powerful woman and you're used to getting what you want out of life, and you didn't get what you wanted in your last few relationships and it's got you all jammed up... Life didn't go your way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way."